Gloria Steinem hosted salons in her living room for decades—how to gather for conversation and connection, says expert

I can't stop thinking about Gloria Steinem's living room. For years, Steinem gathered people in her New York City brownstone and asked them to sit together, without a head of the table, without hierarchy. She called them "Talking Circles." 

She said the practice was inspired in part by Indigenous traditions of gathering in a circle, something Steinem wrote about in her 2015 memoir "My Life on the Road." As a journalist and author focused on human connection and social health, that part of the book always stayed with me. 

"I was struck by how open and accessible she was," Ann Shoket, CEO of a community of women and nonbinary leaders called TheLi.st, wrote in a LinkedIn post on Wednesday after finding out the feminist icon had died at 92. "She was also deeply real," said Shoket, who tells me she mingled in Steinem's living room twice at events held in recent months. "She made us all dream bigger."

The conversations that took place in those circles would change lives in ways large and small. It's where plans for Ms. Magazine and the nonprofit Women's Media Center started to take shape. And frequently, it was the space Steinem offered to organizations like Third Wave, Equality Now and Direct Impact Africa to plan their next steps, marking "turning points" in their work, according to Gloria's Foundation. 

Much of the power of Steinem's living room was that it cracked open opportunities to lend support, let ideas flow and build trust face-to-face. It fostered moments of welcome connection for decades, most recently in an era when nearly three-quarters of adults spend time with people they care about only twice a month or less, and about two-thirds say they never participate in clubs or organizations. 

"Gloria was very interested in intergenerational connection," Soraya Chemaly, author of "All We Want is Everything" and board member of the Women's Media Center, tells me. "She listened to young women who sat in her living room, never talking down to them, always validating," says Chemaly, who estimates that she was a guest in Steinem's living room nearly a dozen times. "She built community and solidarity in a low-key and comfortable space." 

Gloria's Foundation has announced that Steinem's home will continue to be a site for individuals and organizations to gather.

How to Gloria-fy your living room and life

You don't need to be in Steinem's living room to learn from what transpired there. 

From my research on forming meaningful bonds at work, at home and in third spaces that sometimes seem elusive today, here are five simple actions you can adopt from Steinem's gatherings and put into practice in your own living room and beyond:

1. Be the host: Steinem offered her living room to activists and many others, making space for them to be under the same roof and have meaningful dialogue. Invite people over, no matter the size of your home. The number of guests is never as important as the opportunity to get together. If the costs and logistics associated with planning give you pause, ask a friend, family member, neighbor or colleague to co-host with you.
2. Lower the pressure: The point of Steinem's Talking Circles was conversation. Don't put off hosting because you think you need to offer more than you actually do. No one really needs the most elaborate buffet or dessert table. You can even ask guests to contribute by going potluck. 
3. Invite broadly and generously: Steinem brought together people who might not otherwise have found themselves in the same room. Include the neighbor you barely know or a person whose perspective is vastly different from yours. Think expansively. 
4. Set the tone: Everyone in Steinem's living room was invited to talk and listen. The discussions were intentionally devoid of the kinds of power dynamics that tend to stop individuals from sharing their experiences and perspectives. Try asking one question and giving everyone a turn to respond. Don't let the most talkative person dominate. 
5. Make it repeatable: Steinem's gatherings weren't one-off events. Because the to-do list to prep is nearly always the same, gatherings can take on a repeatable rhythm. If you Gloria-fy your home, the first few events might be the hardest to execute. But it will get easier over time. Host, rinse, repeat. The Gloria way.

Allison Gilbert is an Emmy Award–winning journalist, author of six critically acclaimed and bestselling books, and host of "Connected Lives." She is also the founder of More Connected, which helps people build stronger relationships and a greater sense of belonging at home, at work, and in their communities. The forthcoming More Connected app is designed to help people deepen the connections they already have.